ghosts

Woke to the sound of Ernie’s tag rattling in the garage, a precursor to the previously ubiquitous bark. But not so. Instead it was the guy next door fumbling his keys and getting into his truck to answer an early morning work call. Guess that proves one of two things, either the mind has a tendency to recall deeply ingrained patterns even when the stimulus is not actually present, or it’s really, really quiet in our hood at 3 am.

Still sometimes feel the non-existent touch of a little paw and the sound of “mom-mom-mom” in my ear. I’m amazed at how empty my days now seem. Still go about the normal routines of vacuuming, dusting, laundry, dry cleaners, groceries, meals, DAR projects, lawn mowing, hedge trimming, moving the garbage/recycle containers to the street and back, etc., but I had not until now realized just how much of my life was involved, one way or another, with kitty, and how many hours I was actively engaged in his care. When I get so lonesome I could cry and miss the three amigos so very much, I go into the kitchen and make something irresistibly yummy and incredibly complex and exhaustingly time-consuming, and by the time I’ve finished I’m so tired I’m ready for nothing more energy-consuming than a game of sofa solitaire. Which, by the way, I didn’t play much in the past few years because KTT always wanted to lay on top of the cards. He had a thing about paper.

A couple of my friends regularly bombard my fb page with entreaties from animal shelters in the Tri-State area, particularly those babies left behind after recent devastations in Texas and Oklahoma. I am aware of how great is the need for adoption, but, honestly, looking at the faces of some of those dear little ones just makes me want to cry or go curl up with my head under the covers and sleep until the feeling passes. The heart wants what the heart wants but the brain knows I’m not capable right now of making the commitment. When I adopt it doesn’t mean just emptying a litter box at least once every day, or putting out food and water on a regular basis, or making time daily to toss a ball in the back yard, or attaching the leash and putting on my shoes and walking around the block twice until puppy finds a spot suitable to his liking. For me it’s more than just paying a few bucks and coming home with a pet; it’s adding another member to the family.

All things considered, just for today, I’ll settle for the ghost dog in the garage.